Nobody Knows It
I made the conscious mistake to watch an episode of Black-ish on Hulu. The episode entitled “Black Like Me” dealt with an extremely sensitive topic within the black community - COLORISM.
(Pictured: Tracee Ellis Ross and Jenifer Lewis, Blackish, Courtesy of HULU)
I am a dark complected, African-American man living in an environment where the hue of my skin is still demonized in 2019. It’s interesting how this subject still brings out feelings of discomfort, annoyance, and angst especially within the black community. I know because I experienced it firsthand with my mother. After watching the episode for the first time, I ran into her room to show her the scene that made my heart drop outside my chest. Actress, Jenifer Lewis reiterates in a heated argument with “Bow” played by Tracee Ellis Ross how it makes her feel to be called a “monster.” In this context, “Ruby” Jenifer Lewis’s character expresses to Bow that she both empathizes and sympathizes with Bow’s daughter “Diane” who’s struggling with being the darkest person in her family. Lewis should have earned an Emmy win for her performance in that scene alone because I felt her pain. I too have been called my share of demonic names by my own people.
Example of a dark, complected African-American man
(Courtesy of Pinterest)
Most recently, I befriended a young man named “Tony.” We’ve been “frenemies” for the past six months, well it will be 6 months in August. My Aunt Dee always says it takes 6 months to a year to get to know someone. However, I can say that this new found relationship is probably the most complex I’ve ever had. You see “Tony” represents a side of black manhood I’ve always envied. He’s light, bright, damn near white. He’s what many young men and women call “a pretty boy.” But I digress.
Needless to say, when we began our friendship it seemed odd because we naturally come from two different worlds. He hails from a conservative, Seventh-Day Adventist upbringing while I come from a liberal, Lutheran/Baptist/Methodist/Presbyterian upbringing. He doesn’t share certain things with his mom or dad. I share everything with my mom and dad right down to the moment I lost my virginity. That discussion is for another blog post. Lol! We’re different. He’s a suit, tie, loafers type of guy. I’m a sneakers, flip flops, sweatpants kind of dude. He loves basketball or rather his Warriors, and I love Queen Latifah & opera. Popularity is important to him. Acceptance is important to me. We’re different. Yet, God brought us together. Why? I think because there are elements we can learn from one another to further grow ourselves. However, both parties must be receptive to that idea. You could have give me a “heads up” on that one God. :)
I would be lying if I didn’t say this, but I’ve felt great envy & jealousy toward “Tony” as he came into the fold in my social circle. I watched how he was treated, and there’s a difference in what’s accepted of him versus someone who looks like me. The expectations are not equally aligned, and colorism has something to do with it. Think about it. Pay attention to how a light complected individual is treated in a situation versus one who’s dark. It’s astonishing, and it has nothing to do with Tony, but everything to do with the issue of black colorism within our community.
Example of a light, complected African-American man (Courtesy of Pinterest)
The black community is unique in its fight for equal rights against the white man, however we often neglect our own war back home. Why is that we crack jokes on one another “light skinned vs. dark skinned”? Why is it that light skinned women are said to have better hair than dark skinned women? Why are we still talking among our peers with such profane distaste for one another, yet in the same breath we’re all we got? We’re supposed to be fighting for equal rights, and yet, we don’t even respect nor like one another. WHAT THE FUCK? Something has got to change.
The colorism issue is prevalent in our community, and it needs to be addressed. I think the thing I despise about the South is the lack of discussion, fight, motivation, or full throttled drive to make change in the black community. We meet. We eat. We talk. But have we changed anything? At least, I haven’t seen any major changes especially in Nashville. All I see are white, neo-conservative, racist liberals moving into predominantly black neighborhoods kicking us out on our butts. I see black employees underpaid and overworked while white employees with barely a high school diploma are out here “living their best life.” Yet, there are leaders within this same black community not doing a damn thing to make change happen because the majority of the people are okay with it. Change cannot occur if one does not want it. It must be something deeply desired not forced.
Pictured: Members of “The Phoenix Troupe” featuring from L to R - Alan Nettles, Keo Brown, Mario Charles, Megan Broadnax, & Lynn Slusher (Credit: William Jenkins)
I go to a church where the issue of colorism, heir, and class play a major part in the social breakdown of the church. If you’re wealthy, you automatically are accepted into the top of the social food chain. If you’re a generational Adventist with a lineage, you’re on the next tier of popularity. If you’re beautiful in the eyes of others than you get an honorary seat next to the wealthy, and if you do what you’re told you may get a seat at the back table. But if you’re dark, poor, and uneducated- you are at the very bottom of the social food chain. In India, they call it “the undesirables.”
Well, my mom is educated. She has two advanced degrees, but we lived in the hood. I went to public school most of my life. My dad didn’t pay for shit, and my mom ran the household. She’s a black woman living in the South financially making less than half her worth. She has no control over it. I guess that means we’re undesirables, and oh we did not grow up in the denomination so that’s three strikes against our social status. Yet, this is a black church with many Civil Rights pioneers & powerful leaders within the black, Nashville community. What are we missing? What’s wrong with this picture?
This paradigm of social existence did not become clear to me until a few weeks back. A major wedding occurred at my church which is not out of the ordinary around this time of the year. Anyone who is anyone within the young adult community attended the wedding & reception, I however was not invited. I actually was okay with it because I don’t like parties, and I’m not a big fan of the bride. She’s a jerk in my opinion, so it probably wouldn’t be in my best interest to celebrate with her on her big day. I’d be throwing “Tami Roman” shade rolling my eyes, sipping tea the entire time. LMBO!
The thing that struck all of my fragile nerves was the fact that Tony went and celebrated with the bride/groom. Now granted he may have a different relationship with them than I, but in my mind, I felt an initial betrayal because of the way this group treats outsiders, innocent bystanders. Remember the social food chain I described above. Well, those of the upper echelon were solely in attendance. No one else, and that’s usually how social events go at this particular church. Tony is a self-proclaimed preacher, fighter of injustice, and he’s hobnobbing with fake murmurers who literally birthed the definition of the term. In that moment, I was enraged because I believe that the only way to take a stand against injustice such as that is by saying “no” to it. I’m vocal. I’m loud. I’m honest. However, I’m realizing that not everyone is like that.
To top it off, on that particular night I was having a depressive episode. I have Chronic Depression. I see a counselor, and I take medication which is monitored by a licensed psychiatrist who also has Depression. I will live with the disease for the rest of my life, but it is not a death sentence. I tried to commit suicide over three times. I should be dead, but thank God I’m here to tell my story. Yes, this black brother believes in mental health therapy and treatment. This was a personal story I shared with Tony. Unfortunately, when I contacted him about it I found out he was at this “prissy” wedding. You can imagine the back and forth that occurred between the two of us. I’m in a dark place and Tony’s buzz is getting blown. Smh! What a bad combination?!
Caption: “Me” (Photo Credit: Patti Vinson Photography)